Lessons Learned from my Marriage

DSC03664 300x225 Lessons Learned from my Marriage

Gayatri Aptekar

I got married at a tender age of 21; my friends called it a ‘child marriage’. In a way it was true, for I had just graduated a year back and was still trying to figure out which career path to choose. Amidst all this confusion, the seed of love sprouted and in no time things were finalized and I got married. Being born and brought up in a Pallakad Iyer family, I faced many challenges adjusting in a Maharashtrian household. We just had a courtship period of six months, thanks to our parents who thought that the sooner the better.

They say, “Love is a beautiful dream and marriage an alarm clock” I don’t know if this is true, but marriage does wake you up to the reality. For me, marriage meant having fun time with my hubby, romantic getaways, movie dates & dinner and passionate love making. As the secret of a happy marriage unfolded in front of me in the days and years to come, I learnt many important lessons. Some of them surprised me and some of them changed me as a person, completely.

Love yourself

This is the first and most important step before entering a relationship. We need to love ourselves unconditionally and that’s when we will be able to shower even more love on our spouse and his family too. We need to enjoy our company and feel complete from within. Then the magic begins as we pass on this wonderful feeling of being loved to our partner.


This sounds simple, yet this is the biggest challenge that most married couples face. The little things that you enjoyed during the courtship days might start bothering you. As a couple we need to accept that certain things can be changed while certain behaviour cannot be. Once we are able to accept each other, with all our flaws, love will blossom, even more. Remember nothing in the world is perfect and acceptance alone can bring peace.


There is a child hidden in each one of us and this child craves for appreciation, attention and a small pat on the back. Appreciate each other and do it often. Appreciation shows that you are grateful to each other and this is feeling of gratitude, brings in more abundance in your married life.


Respect and in fact celebrates each other’s differences. These differences attracted you to each other, so enjoy and learn from them. Respect and appreciate each other’s family, because your spouse is a part of their family.


This is one of the most important lessons that I learnt. In the initial days, I found forgiving a little challenging. ‘Letting go’ was something new to me, but as time passed, I realised that the only way to keep the spark alive in marriage is to forgive the other person and start each day as a fresh piece of paper. A relationship built on the foundation of yesterday’s hurt will collapse, so give each other a fresh chance, every single day, in every possible way.

One most important thing that I have learnt over the years is to give each other the freedom and space to grow as an individual. Relationships are like sand, if we hold them to tight, they will slip through the fingers so let them loose and they will stay and blossom, forever!

About Gayatri

A curious student of Life, Gayatri believes in the power of Dreams. She quit her career as a Research Associate to follow her passion of writing and interacting with people. A Master Practitioner of NLP, she is a NLP Healer and a life coach. She can be found blogging at “Outside the Kitchen Window” (www.gsaptekar84.blogspot.com ) wielding her magical wand to pen her thoughts, poems, fictitious stories, mouth-tingling recipes and book reviews.