Lessons Learned from Being Divorced

 

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Lessons Learned from Being Divorced

I grew up with a dream of having my own fairy tale, adding chapters to that vision every single day and imagining how perfect it would be with my prince charming. But reality does not abide by your plans and life throws you curveballs. What actually happened was that, I was barely married for two years and standing at the brink of a divorce with a year old son. And if you are willing to learn the process of getting a divorce can teach you so many things.

  1. I learnt to pick myself up piece by piece and reform me, creating version 2.0. It was tough, because the only thing I wanted to do is wallow in self pity, and all the wallowing did feel good but eventually I realised that I have to get up. No one was going to do it for me.
  2. I began to understand myself better because no one around me could. I turned to people for advice but they weren’t able to help. They could never understand that even though it was a bad relationship, it still was two years of my life, two years where I had invested my heart and soul in trying to make the best of what I had.
  3. I learnt not to feel sorry for myself. More than half the people I knew were doing that for me and it did not feel good.
  4. I had the backing of an amazing family who refused to feel sorry for me (they still refuse to), and found friends that are proud of the person I am. And these are the people who are a part of my life and my son’s life today and who will be there forever.
  5. I also found that not everyone in society looked at divorce negatively. It did not make a single iota of difference to them as to whether I was married or not. I have learnt that the people who value me for me and not for a relationship status are my true friends and well wishers.
  6. I learnt to believe in myself and what it means to truly be confident and face the world with my head held high. I also know how hard it was to stand up for what I believed in, when the people were branding me selfish, and through that the only thing that kept me strong is the belief that I am the only one that knows what is right for me and my son (until he starts thinking for himself, then it will be a whole new ball game).
  7. I learnt the value of pursuing my dreams, my talents, of happiness (the true wala happiness not the fairy tale kind), of friends and friendships, of trust and of confidence. Some bad things in life end up being good for you after all.

About Jaibala Rao 

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Jaibala Rao

Jaibala Rao is a Writer and a Poet whose life revolves around the people she loves, her family, her friends and her toddler. Having been reading since the moment she learnt the alphabets, stories have given her many adventures. Every moment fascinates her and she believes there is something good in everything. When she writes she tries to write about a moment or an emotion, a story that caught her attention. She draws inspiration from everything around her and tries to put forth her opinion. She has just taken a tiny step into the writing world, by writing on her blog and online magazines.

Connect with her at –

Website: http://jaibalarao.com

Gravatar: https://en.gravatar.com/jaibalarao

Google+: https://plus.google.com/u/0/+JaibalaRao/

Facebook Page: https://www.facebook.com/JaibalaRao

  • Salesh Dipak Fernando

    Short and Sweet Jaibala.. It takes a whole lot of courage to pick up the pieces once something like this happens.. Hats off .. Keep going.. Always remember ur the queen of ur life

    • Jaibala

      Thank you Salesh. It is easier when you have great support. But ultimately it is you who has to walk the road.

  • Rubina Ramesh

    As always .. amazed at your tenacity. Hugs <3

    • Jaibala

      Rubina thanks Hugs back

  • http://www.inderpreetkaur.blogspot.in/ Inderpreet Kaur

    So glad you shared this, more Indians need to stop thinking of divorce as a disease and start looking at it as a solution. Keep writing.

    • Jaibala

      Agreed and that is one of the reasons I wanted to share this. Thank you so much Inderpreet :)

  • http://www.iwrotethose.com Sid @ iWroteThose

    We need more people like you Jaibala. Ones who can rise from the ashes like a phoenix.

    • Jaibala

      Sid, I think all people can. Its just that everyone does not realise that. :)

  • Proactive Indian

    Sharing this requires courage! I’m glad you’ve shared your experience. It may make a difference to any reader who is contemplating divorce, but is not going ahead with it due to the social stigma involved.

    • Jaibala

      I hope that this helps someone. It is something I wanted and needed to write. Thank you for reading.

  • Nithya Raghunath

    Our society does always look down upon divorce, especially when it comes to a woman. And for a woman to pick up the pieces of her shattered life and start again is a huge thing. And having to take care of a child all on her own is an even bigger thing. It is more than an achievement. More than an accomplishment. It is a lot more than anyone can do. Coming out in the open and telling the society, I am what I am so to hell with your opinions, that takes the most courage. Count your blessings in the people who have backed you up and never felt sorry for you. There is nothing to feel sorry about. If anything, walk with your head held high and feel really really proud of yourself. You are strength. You are pride. You are success.

    • Jaibala

      Nithya you put it so well. You are strength, you are pride, you are success. So many people forget that.

  • Subarna Sahni

    Jaibala as always straight from the heart…you are fierce and fearless. Much love.

    • Jaibala

      Subarna. Thank you so much and lots of love to you too.

  • http://rasanaatreya.com Rasana Atreya

    Good for you, Jaibala, that you had to courage of your convictions. Not many people do. My very best to you.

    • Jaibala

      Thank You Rasana, I hope that this changes the outlook of people, and they learn to live by their convictions, come what may. If it makes a difference even to one person, I would consider my job done.

  • Sonia Rao

    You have gone through an ordeal and overcome it. That is such an inspiration. Thank you for sharing your story, Jaibala.

    • Jaibala

      Sonia Thank you for reading. I consider myself lucky to have come out of it stronger and a better person, thanks to the wonderful, people around me my Family and Friends.

  • http://www.fu4health.blogspot.in Aparna Nayak

    Hats off Jaibala… short n simple story which will prove as a guide to many…. Hugs..

    • Jaibala

      Aparna, even if one person finds this useful, it will make my writing this worthwhile. Thanks Hugs :)

  • Sundari Venkatraman

    Amazing Jaibala! You have truly bounced back and I am proud to know you. So glad for you that you have such a supportive family and awesome friends. Wish you all the very best

    • Jaibala

      Sunadri, Thank You So much. I really had great support from brilliant friends and a family that stood by me come what may.

  • http://rekhadhyani.com/ Rekha

    It takes immense courage to share something of this magnitude. You’re strong! May you be able to achieve all your dreams with the same determination. And I’m sure S too will grow up to be proud of you. Lots of Love.

    • Jaibala

      Rekha, Thank you Thank You for all those kind words and wishes. Lots of love to you too <3