Lessons Learned from my Step-mom

DSC036641 300x225 Lessons Learned from my Step mom

Gayatri Aptekar

I am sure the word, ‘Step-mom’ made you curious, isn’t it? There is a kind of negative emotion tied up to the word ‘Step-mom or Step-dad’, thanks to the fairy tales we’ve been listening to as children, the movies and the numerous incidents that we keep reading in the newspapers. To tell you the truth, I was sceptical too, when my dad broke the news of his remarriage. I was 11 years old and I did understand that my life was going to change, but I never knew that it would change so beautifully with the presence of my step-mom.

She is one who has shaped my life and whatever I am today is just because of her. Over the years, we have had our share of fights, but I have learnt many things from her. I lovingly call her, ‘Chithi’

Love unconditionally

This is one of the most significant and valuable lesson I learnt from her. I remember the initial days, when I shouted at her many times, but she patiently handled all my tantrums and showered me with even more love. They say that, ‘Only love can drive hatred away’ and I completely believe in this. She showed me that unconditional love could exist between any two people; all it needs is the ability to look beyond imperfections.


I could never forgive my biological mom for her indifferent behaviour towards me. Anger, guilt and hatred were building up within me and I did not know how to let go of these unresourceful feelings. Chithi told me that the only way to get over these feelings was to forgive my mom and myself. It was very easy to say, but quite challenging to actually forgive, but with time, I did forgive myself and my mom. Since then my life has transformed and it is really a wonderful feeling.

Accept what you can’t change

Many times in my life I wanted things to change as per my perceptions, but Chithi made me realize that there are some things which will not change. She taught me that it is futile to spend your energy, time and resources on something which will not change. She instead would urge me to find opportunities in every situation and work towards making the best of those. This has helped me a lot personally and professionally.


Chithi taught me the importance of saving and investing money for my future. Though I ignored her suggestions as a teenager, I realised the significance of her advice after becoming a mother.  I remember her saying on the day of my marriage, “As women we ought to handle our finances well, so that we can plan a bright future for our family.”

Power of Prayer

She taught me that no matter what you are going through saying a small prayer, really calms your soul and also gives you the right and purposeful direction. I remember asking her a thousand questions about the various customs that we followed and she would just smile and say, ‘We followed all this because we never knew how to ask the right questions, but you have a choice to explore, so pick up what connects to you the most.’  She believed in the power of gratitude and she passed on this power to me as well. Now, I pray every day, not because I want something, but to thank the Almighty for providing me with all that I need.

Apart from these, she also taught me the importance of relationships and how we can build fulfilling relationships with trust, patience and love. She has done a lot for me and I am grateful to have her in my life. She is more than a mom to me. We share a relationship which is beyond words. Even today when I call, I speak more to my Chithi. My dad at times gets annoyed, but I am sure he is very happy that we have gelled with each other so well. During my college days, I remember my friends telling me that I looked exactly like my Chithi and I would laugh at it. Now I know why they said that, because I and my Chithi have connected at a much deeper level, something beyond blood relationships.

About Gayatri

A curious student of Life, Gayatri believes in the power of Dreams. She quit her career as a Research Associate to follow her passion of writing and interacting with people. A Master Practitioner of NLP, she is a NLP Healer and a life coach. She can be found “Outside the Kitchen Window” (www.gsaptekar84@gmail.com ) wielding her magical wand to pen her thoughts, poems, fictitious stories, mouth-tingling recipes and book


  • Sunila Vig

    So beautiful Gayatri, hugs to you and your Chithi

  • http://www.ruchisingh.in Ruchi Singh

    This is a great post and beautifully written, hats off!!